Hey everybody, real quick, this is actually being turned in as an assignment for a class, and so I might have to explain some things here and there since my professor doesn't know anything about MLP or its fandom.
Anyway, I'll be reflecting on my time in the MLP fandom, plus my tumultuous high school years, why MLP was so appealing to me, and of course, the artwork I produced. Let's get started!
This was the first piece I posted on DeviantArt. I was halfway through my junior year of highschool. I had been gifted my first smartphone that summer, and went through rediscovering MLP on Netflix. The Episode "Luna Eclipsed" is the one that really endeared Princess Luna to me. I related so much to her struggling to find friends, though my struggles were for a different reason than hers. I had been homeschooled most of my life, and I was also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (sometimes people call us "mormons," though that is not accurate) living in south Florida. I had pretty different values than my peers.
Anyway, I guess I was pretty sheltered. Going to public school had exposed me to a lot more profanity, if nothing else, but I was still pretty naive about certain things. For example, this is another one of my early pictures. When I posted it, I thought that ponies in socks was just a cutesy trend. I had no idea that some people considered it a fetish. Needless to say, I never drew a pony wearing socks ever again.
Looking back, I do wonder if drawings like this one of Rainbow Dash struggling to get out of her bubble were some kind of subconscious reflections of stress or something. This was my second year of going to public high school, I didn't really have a lot of friends at school, I joined marching band, and I got up around 5 am every morning to go to an early morning church class. So I was stressed out and lonely, and MLP kind of gave me a distraction from my problems, and a means to connect with a community that I had something in common with.
This is the first picture I uploaded of my oc (that's "original character" for you, Professor. Basically it's a character created to fit into the universe of whatever chosen fanbase, and is often used as a persona or in this case "ponysona" to represent oneself). I guess this is basically how I tried to present myself: a little shy, but friendly, generally cheerful, and likes books. I also kind of tried to make it look myself: I have brown eyes and glasses. My hair was blond when I was little, but now it's brown. I'm not really into dressing up much.
I honestly didn't remember drawing this, but looking back, this is a pretty clear representation of stress. I even said so in the drawing's description. I checked the date it was posted. July of 2016. We moved that summer. Just to be clear, moving was not a new thing for me. I'd moved every couple of years most of my life. But it was still stressful. We stayed at my grandparent's house for a couple of months while my parents worked out buying a new house, which made it even more stressful. You probably didn't know, but at the time I had six younger siblings (now it's seven). We were very crowded.
I guess my point is, being lonely and stressed out, of course a fantasy show about friendship would be appealing. Of course it would feel like just what I needed.
And did I make any friends through DeviantArt? I would say yes. People drew me pictures for my birthday, and Christmas. Look down below at some of these: v
So, I don’t think going to public school was the wrong decision exactly. I mean, I couldn’t stay in my sheltered bubble forever, right? And I don’t think joining the MLP fandom was wrong. But I do have regrets about both school and MLP.
When I was going to school in Florida, I was surrounded by both good and bad people, words, and things. Uno got banned at my school because too many kids were gambling with it. Sometimes a bathroom would be closed for unclear reasons, but probably someone was smoking or doing drugs. But when I started crying involuntarily in my English class, the girl who sat behind me went out to the bathroom with me, and helped talk me through it.
“Hannah, do you have anxiety?” She asked me as we walked through the empty halls.
“I…I don’t think so,” I said.
She smiled. “Really? Because it looks like you just had a panic attack.”
I guess it was good to realize that I might have anxiety...but I also wonder if going to public school helped to bring it on? I don't know.
Similarly, with MLP, I was surrounded by both good and bad. There were a lot of great content creators who inspired me, and made me want to contribute to the fandom in someway. There were so many amazing, kind people who encouraged me, and became some friends when I needed it. The above picture was drawn as a thank-you to a lot of people, with some of their ocs being dropped into the background.
But, I got a little obsessed. I started looking into other cartoon fandoms, and I spent hours on my smartphone. I looked into too much fanfiction. It turns out, fanfiction is like a giant minefield. You might see something delightful, but right next to it is something horrifying.
To get rebalanced, I had to force myself to take a break, and start avoiding certain places. I don't check Equestria daily anymore. I don't visit the Fimfiction site anymore. And I took a break from MLP and deviant altogether for several months.
I've changed a lot since I started this account. I'm in college now. I'm less shy. I have some friends in real life. So I made a new character to represent myself, because I'm a little different than I was.
I'm still grateful for everyone who was kind and supported me. Thank you.
P.S. Hey, professor, I didn't mention it before, but this is actually my most popular piece: